TeaMas 9: A very SCARY Christmas & Cinnamon Rooibos Chai review
Here is a bold statement: Kids are the absolute worst during Christmastime. Always hopped up on candy and whining about what Christmas presents they didn't get. A lump of coal doesn't seem to instil the same fear and obedience as it used to, so I think we should be bringing back some old creatures from Christmas folklore of the past to straighten out these tiny humans.
The Yule Cat & Yule Family
In Icelandic folklore the Yule Cat is part of the large and terrifying Yule Family, and let me tell you, this family loves to fuck shit up for children and adults alike. Do you have a badly behaved child? Just tell them about the Yule Family's mom, a giantess named Gryla with and insatiable appetite for stew made of naughty children. And her 13 sons, known as the Yule Lads, aren't much better as they celebrate the Christmas season by pranking you in oddly specific ways. These pranks generally involve harassing sheep and stealing your food — I guess stew made from children just doesn't do it for everyone.
Although my favourite part of this family is, of course, the Yule Cat: a giant cat who wanders the countryside eating anyone and everyone who isn't wearing new clothes — I guess that's one way to make your children appreciate their new pairs of socks and underwear.
Pere Fouettard and Belsnickel
Pere Fouettard, also known as 'Father Whipper,' enjoys following Santa around France rectifying the
problem of naughty children by handing out lumps of coal — and floggings. He doesn't look all that friendly either, dressed in black robes with a long unkempt beard and
armed with anything capable of whipping your ass.
Belsnickel on the other hand likes to lull the children of southwest Germany into a false sense of security by giving them candy and presents. But everyone knows children can't be good all the time so Belsnickel likes to dole out some tough love along with the candy, beating the children with a switch just for the principle of it all.
Of course I can't forget about Krampus, the devilish goat shaped figure who likes to rattle chains before he inevitably drags children down to join him in hell. But only the lucky children make it to hell— the rest are drowned or eaten.
So this year instead of Elf on a Shelf let's SWITCH (see what I did there?) it up with a Krampus in the closet and teach kids a new song: You better watch out / You better not cry / Better not pout / I'm telling you why / Krampus wants to drag you to helllllll!